I'm grounded. (still am D:) But I'm in a way, kind of glad that I was. I'm not saying that I want to keep being grounded but during my days of being locked inside my room, I've been reading scripture and listening to sermons on the radio for like 3+ hours daily. 100.1/95.1 :D! lol but a few days ago I was listening to a sermon by Tony Evans...
It was like... about being persecuted.
John 15:18-20
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'no servant is greater than his master.' If they persecute me, they will persecute you also..."
He was talking about how being persecuted is a given, it's going to happen to you. To every christian... That being said... Why aren't I being persecuted? What does that say about me? He said, "Don't be a secret agent christian." Is that what I am?
One thing I realized about myself is that I don't change. In my opinion, I'm pretty good at not doing things that I shouldn't do but it's doing things I should do that I have a problem with. But no matter how much I try, I can't seem to change. No matter how many times I think about it and say, "This time, it's for real," nothing happens. I just go back to the way I was before.
James 4:17
"Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
"When you are serious about worshiping Jesus, you don't care who's sitting next to you or if someone is staring at you from across the room; you worship Jesus."
Does that mean I've never been serious? I need to stop caring so much about what others think. WhatthePIJ. -_-;; ughhhhh.
Romans 7:14-20
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. & if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer myself who does it, but it is the sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it but it is the sin living in me that does it."
Esther 8:7
I understand that it takes courage to risk reputation and even safety to speak out against evil. Remember, though, the greater the risk, the greater the reward. I will be with you in everything you face, & I will empower you to accomplish incredible things for me.
It's so amazing how the Bible has everything. It's so full of people who have already been through what you're going through... It's SO ANNOYING. 'Cause then it means that there's no excuse for you. If they can get over it, then I can as well. I can't keep on being lazy or whatever the heck it is that's holding me back from doing what I need to be doing. asodauiegjhn;kjowng. Stupid Bible :/ I wish I could just stay at this state. You know, say that I've tried and just call it a day... And even so, I know that even after I'm done writing this, nothing much will change. I know that if my brother read this, he'd be like, "DON'T SAY THAT. Stop being so negative." But it's the truth. I'm very aware of what I should be doing but I don't actually move my feet and actually do it. SLOALEIJLWIMF. >:0
LOL. something's wrong with me. :/
I don't like learning. I do, but then what good does it do unless you change? & I don't mind changing one or two things... But I've been learning way too much lately. I don't want to change, it takes too much effort. oihaldgnauedihgsl. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I've never read Psalms before in my life. I was just blown away last night. 0_0.

Psalm 26:12
I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.

Psalm 13:1-6
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

I'm not angry anymore. (:

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Job 42:12
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.

Now on a different note, today was my first "week" of high school (it was actually three days). I'm switching back to French 1. (: and I also quit field hockey. I'm not actually sure why but I don't regret it at all. :/ MANNNN. I have a lot of homework for just the third day of school. >:0. I have Latin homework. I don't understand why I get homework for a class I'm not even staying in.

schedule:
0-homeroom-westmoreland
1-Latin1-Smoot
2-Geometry/ Probability & Statistics-Williams
3-Intro to Lit-Swierzbinski
4-Wld Us 1a sem-Wisher/Campbell
5-Biology-Fuller
6-Band/Symphonic-Sandlin/DuWane

I'm also getting out of band ASAP and for the 08-09 school year, I have just one goal: not to procrastinate. That alone is going to be extremely hard.

------------------------------edit-----------------------------

0_0. i can't switch any of my classes.
im stuck in band. 0_____________0.
& it turns out, i actually like latin.

0____0
okay so the only reason I made this is to share some things I haven't been able to get out of my head. Just a few things I've learned recently or things I'm struggling with...? As far as I remember, I've had a hard time falling asleep. Like it would take me HOURS. And... i wrote them down in the book I have and I was going to write it in here... but that would take like... an hour+ to write. I seriously wrote like eight pages worth. o_o i'll just copy the conversation I'm having with Joe.

NotToJoe115 (12:57:47 PM): y o y o

DDONGSANGxP (12:58:07 PM): HELLOHELLO!

NotToJoe115 (12:58:12 PM): whoa

NotToJoe115 (12:59:27 PM): whats up dawg?

DDONGSANGxP (12:59:38 PM): nothing

DDONGSANGxP (12:59:42 PM): o_o

DDONGSANGxP (1:01:36 PM): what is you be doing?

NotToJoe115 (1:01:42 PM): reclining

NotToJoe115 (1:07:43 PM): what abot you?

DDONGSANGxP (1:07:57 PM): hmmmmmm

DDONGSANGxP (1:07:58 PM): fb

DDONGSANGxP (1:08:00 PM): ><

DDONGSANGxP (1:08:09 PM): 0_0 i couldn't go to sleep yesterday

NotToJoe115 (1:08:12 PM): why nots?

DDONGSANGxP (1:08:16 PM): took me four hours

DDONGSANGxP (1:08:34 PM): i kept thinking about stuff. my brian wouldn't turn off

NotToJoe115 (1:08:40 PM): awh

NotToJoe115 (1:08:43 PM): like what?

DDONGSANGxP (1:09:10 PM): hmmmm

DDONGSANGxP (1:09:27 PM): LOL and then, i wrote it all down in the notebook i told you about

DDONGSANGxP (1:09:43 PM): i think i might post it on some blog or something

NotToJoe115 (1:10:03 PM): notebook/

NotToJoe115 (1:10:05 PM): /

NotToJoe115 (1:10:05 PM): ?

NotToJoe115 (1:10:09 PM): you told me about a notebook?

DDONGSANGxP (1:10:23 PM): the "spiritual journal" or whatever it's called -_-;;

NotToJoe115 (1:10:36 PM): heh

NotToJoe115 (1:10:37 PM): ic

NotToJoe115 (1:10:38 PM): thats awesome

NotToJoe115 (1:11:32 PM): yeah

NotToJoe115 (1:11:36 PM): i was reading your note on fb too

NotToJoe115 (1:11:42 PM): i went through that last year

DDONGSANGxP (1:11:46 PM): 0_0

DDONGSANGxP (1:11:53 PM): it's so annoying though

DDONGSANGxP (1:12:03 PM): i was thinking about that last night too

NotToJoe115 (1:12:29 PM): its awesome

DDONGSANGxP (1:12:41 PM): how is that awesome

DDONGSANGxP (1:12:44 PM): ?

NotToJoe115 (1:13:35 PM): its an awesome opportunity

NotToJoe115 (1:14:01 PM): you have to see it for what it is

DDONGSANGxP (1:14:12 PM): hgasiojgslijtga

NotToJoe115 (1:15:14 PM):

DDONGSANGxP (1:15:19 PM): i do not like it. D:

NotToJoe115 (1:15:34 PM): yeah

NotToJoe115 (1:15:35 PM): it sucks

NotToJoe115 (1:15:37 PM): but like

NotToJoe115 (1:15:39 PM): if you're confessing

NotToJoe115 (1:15:41 PM): and seeking Him

NotToJoe115 (1:15:45 PM): don't blame yourself

DDONGSANGxP (1:16:05 PM): how long did you go through that?

NotToJoe115 (1:16:11 PM): couple months

NotToJoe115 (1:16:21 PM): like half a semester?

DDONGSANGxP (1:16:26 PM): oh

DDONGSANGxP (1:16:30 PM): 0________0

DDONGSANGxP (1:16:40 PM): september 21

DDONGSANGxP (1:16:43 PM): 07

DDONGSANGxP (1:16:46 PM): 0_____0

NotToJoe115 (1:16:48 PM): you have the exact date?

DDONGSANGxP (1:16:49 PM): 0_0

NotToJoe115 (1:16:52 PM): what happened then?

DDONGSANGxP (1:17:01 PM): lol no but it's as far as i can remember

NotToJoe115 (1:17:12 PM): ic

DDONGSANGxP (1:17:19 PM): i was reading stuff that i wrote a long time ago in the journal thingy

NotToJoe115 (1:17:23 PM): uh huh

NotToJoe115 (1:19:09 PM): yeah man

NotToJoe115 (1:19:11 PM): i hated it then

NotToJoe115 (1:19:15 PM): but i really appreciate it now

DDONGSANGxP (1:19:27 PM): how so

NotToJoe115 (1:19:53 PM): think of abraham

NotToJoe115 (1:19:57 PM): God tested his faith

NotToJoe115 (1:20:09 PM): abraham could say over and over that he would obey God

NotToJoe115 (1:20:12 PM): but in the end

NotToJoe115 (1:20:15 PM): the ONLY way he could know

NotToJoe115 (1:20:20 PM): was if he actuallkilled his sony

NotToJoe115 (1:21:18 PM): well

NotToJoe115 (1:21:20 PM): right before

NotToJoe115 (1:21:23 PM): same way

NotToJoe115 (1:21:29 PM): we can say that we'll praise God no matter what

NotToJoe115 (1:22:10 PM): but the only way we can really know that

NotToJoe115 (1:22:14 PM): for 100 percent sure

NotToJoe115 (1:22:19 PM): is if we're in compelte darkness

NotToJoe115 (1:22:21 PM): and we have nothing else

NotToJoe115 (1:22:23 PM): and yet

NotToJoe115 (1:22:28 PM): we still bless His name

NotToJoe115 (1:22:29 PM): right?

NotToJoe115 (1:22:48 PM): isaiah 50:10

DDONGSANGxP (1:23:11 PM): i see... but isn't a month or two enough? haven't i already proved that im not going to stop, no matter what the circumstances are? is a year really necessary?

NotToJoe115 (1:23:41 PM): i mean

NotToJoe115 (1:24:44 PM): its not about whether God "knows now or not" right?

NotToJoe115 (1:25:25 PM): we give Him glory regardless

DDONGSANGxP (1:26:10 PM): i know. but. UHGSIODJGAOSINGASIKM. lol

NotToJoe115 (1:26:54 PM): yeah

NotToJoe115 (1:27:00 PM): i've been prayinig for you tho

DDONGSANGxP (1:27:47 PM): in a way, i kind of wish i didn't know. i wish i didn't know that it'll help me rather than hurt me

DDONGSANGxP (1:28:16 PM): i wish i didn't know so that way i could be angry and mad..?

DDONGSANGxP (1:28:18 PM): i think

DDONGSANGxP (1:28:18 PM): lol

DDONGSANGxP (1:28:21 PM): TYTY

NotToJoe115 (1:28:32 PM): yeah

NotToJoe115 (1:28:45 PM): it feels better maybe to be mad huh

NotToJoe115 (1:28:47 PM):

DDONGSANGxP (1:29:00 PM): ompij yes

DDONGSANGxP (1:29:01 PM): lol

NotToJoe115 (1:30:48 PM): hehe

NotToJoe115 (1:30:49 PM): yeah i know

NotToJoe115 (1:30:52 PM): but knowing that GOd is in control

NotToJoe115 (1:31:03 PM): is comforting

NotToJoe115 (1:31:12 PM): 2 tim 2:11-13

NotToJoe115 (1:31:17 PM): no matter what

NotToJoe115 (1:31:20 PM): even when we are not faithful

NotToJoe115 (1:31:22 PM): God is faithful

DDONGSANGxP (1:31:42 PM): but that's something im sturggling with. i know with my mind that God is there, but im having a hard time knowing with my heart

NotToJoe115 (1:31:56 PM): yea

NotToJoe115 (1:32:17 PM): do you thin maybe

NotToJoe115 (1:32:54 PM): like doesn't it make you evaluate the basis how you "know" that God is there?

DDONGSANGxP (1:33:27 PM): ...come again?

NotToJoe115 (1:33:38 PM): like

NotToJoe115 (1:33:48 PM): we think that we need to "feel" God's presence

NotToJoe115 (1:33:52 PM): and thats the basis in which we know He's there

DDONGSANGxP (1:35:11 PM): o_____o

NotToJoe115 (1:35:19 PM): but if we can get around that

NotToJoe115 (1:35:36 PM): and know the truth

NotToJoe115 (1:36:00 PM): even in the darkest place

NotToJoe115 (1:36:03 PM): we can still know He's there

NotToJoe115 (1:36:11 PM): like i wonder how

NotToJoe115 (1:36:15 PM): like Paul knew

NotToJoe115 (1:36:21 PM): when he's being beated in jail

NotToJoe115 (1:36:24 PM): that God was with Him

NotToJoe115 (1:37:06 PM): or like if he ever doubted?

DDONGSANGxP (1:37:31 PM): you're making me cry. o__O

DDONGSANGxP (1:37:32 PM): LOL

NotToJoe115 (1:37:51 PM): aw

NotToJoe115 (1:37:54 PM): no don't cry

DDONGSANGxP (1:37:57 PM): lol

NotToJoe115 (1:37:58 PM): but i mean

NotToJoe115 (1:38:02 PM): thats how awesome God is tho

NotToJoe115 (1:38:08 PM): like job

NotToJoe115 (1:38:12 PM): how was he able to bless God

NotToJoe115 (1:38:16 PM): even when his whoel family died?

NotToJoe115 (1:38:23 PM): thats not even like feeling distant from God

NotToJoe115 (1:38:30 PM): thats like feeling God just punched you in the head or soemthing

DDONGSANGxP (1:39:49 PM): LOLLL

NotToJoe115 (1:40:14 PM): its amazing

DDONGSANGxP (1:40:20 PM): it is

NotToJoe115 (1:40:52 PM): i don't get it sometimes

NotToJoe115 (1:40:53 PM): but i want it

NotToJoe115 (1:40:54 PM):

DDONGSANGxP (1:41:12 PM): LOL

DDONGSANGxP (1:41:14 PM):

NotToJoe115 (1:43:26 PM): be happy

NotToJoe115 (1:44:01 PM): God is realyl proud of you

NotToJoe115 (1:44:09 PM): me too

DDONGSANGxP (1:44:12 PM): lol tyty

DDONGSANGxP (1:44:13 PM): <3

DDONGSANGxP (1:44:23 PM): it's been weird

DDONGSANGxP (1:44:28 PM): like after fh,

NotToJoe115 (1:44:31 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (1:44:38 PM): i mean before fh,

DDONGSANGxP (1:45:38 PM): i never opened up...? like i never let anyone know what was happening or anything. good or bad. but after fh, i've started opening up a little more

DDONGSANGxP (1:46:15 PM): like yesterday...? i think it was yesterday you asked me why i was blind

DDONGSANGxP (1:46:34 PM): and i was begining to realize some things

DDONGSANGxP (1:46:53 PM): like in dover, there are like... no koreans.

NotToJoe115 (1:46:58 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (1:47:49 PM): and i've been asking God for someone... well i guess i've been complaining more that asking... but i've been asking for someone that i can talk to

NotToJoe115 (1:47:57 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (1:48:06 PM): like all my friends are like atheists or they just don't care

DDONGSANGxP (1:49:01 PM): and i've been complaining for so long and just after fh, i've been talking to some kids who were at fh that i've known for a pretty long time

NotToJoe115 (1:49:25 PM): uh huh

NotToJoe115 (1:49:34 PM): oh man

NotToJoe115 (1:49:39 PM): lucky

DDONGSANGxP (1:49:47 PM): and i realized that God has already given me everything I need

NotToJoe115 (1:49:53 PM): aw mang

NotToJoe115 (1:50:02 PM): thats an awesome realization

DDONGSANGxP (1:50:10 PM): i didn't need to ask or anything. you know, they were always there, i just never opened up

NotToJoe115 (1:50:35 PM): ic

DDONGSANGxP (1:50:43 PM): and also another thing that was keeping me from going to sleep last night was how before,

DDONGSANGxP (1:50:54 PM): i was so fustrated with everyone else

NotToJoe115 (1:51:23 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (1:51:38 PM): i thought that people who loved you would be able to tell if something was going on

DDONGSANGxP (1:51:47 PM): even if you didnt say anything

DDONGSANGxP (1:52:05 PM): and i realized i was just being stupid

DDONGSANGxP (1:52:29 PM): how can anyone tell if i don't say anything? how can anyone tell when im trying so hard to cover it up?

DDONGSANGxP (1:53:18 PM): and i dont know... -_-;;

NotToJoe115 (1:54:11 PM): ic

NotToJoe115 (1:54:15 PM): yeah i do that alot

DDONGSANGxP (1:54:44 PM): but... i thought that fh wasn't that good this year. like i didn't really learn that much...? truth be told, i didn't really like pastor ij that much either. but now i can tell that i've been changing a lot since fh.

DDONGSANGxP (1:56:26 PM): i guess there wasn't anything HUGE that happened that year that made me like it as much...? but nothing huge has to happen. ... im not making any sense... LOL.

NotToJoe115 (1:56:41 PM): hehe

NotToJoe115 (1:56:43 PM): no i get it

DDONGSANGxP (1:56:50 PM): anyways, i guess i just realized a lot of little things that i don't notice as much

DDONGSANGxP (1:57:02 PM): your prayer seminar!

DDONGSANGxP (1:57:40 PM): like... i remember you said, is prayer like a spare tire in your life? etcetcetc

NotToJoe115 (1:57:51 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (1:58:08 PM): and i've been doing pretty good doing qt and stuff but praying is one thing i just don't do

DDONGSANGxP (1:58:35 PM): im trying.

NotToJoe115 (1:58:37 PM): uh huh

NotToJoe115 (1:58:38 PM):

DDONGSANGxP (2:00:26 PM): hmm

DDONGSANGxP (2:00:27 PM): what else

DDONGSANGxP (2:00:28 PM): lol

DDONGSANGxP (2:00:32 PM): uhm. and then......

DDONGSANGxP (2:00:46 PM): OH. i have this friend

DDONGSANGxP (2:01:05 PM): and i haven't seen her since i went to korea but i can tell she's been changing a lot

DDONGSANGxP (2:01:10 PM): in a bad way.

NotToJoe115 (2:01:22 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (2:01:47 PM): like... her brother's been influencing her a lot with smoking and alcohol

DDONGSANGxP (2:02:04 PM): and he has a past with drugs as well so maybe....?

NotToJoe115 (2:02:11 PM): uh huh...

DDONGSANGxP (2:02:31 PM): but anyways. i haven't actually talked to her since korea either but i think the reason for that is... im scared?

DDONGSANGxP (2:02:35 PM): like i don't know what to say

NotToJoe115 (2:02:46 PM): yeah

NotToJoe115 (2:02:49 PM): i feel the same way

DDONGSANGxP (2:03:15 PM): i know if i say something... or try to say something... i'll either a. get in her face or b. start crying

DDONGSANGxP (2:03:17 PM): -_____-;;

NotToJoe115 (2:03:39 PM): yeah

NotToJoe115 (2:03:48 PM): is she a christian?

DDONGSANGxP (2:03:53 PM): well...

DDONGSANGxP (2:04:30 PM): they go to church. but of course that doesn't make you one. ><. but her mom, you can tell she is. and...

DDONGSANGxP (2:05:08 PM): like... her mom... she's so stressed out. she yells a lot and she's so strict that her kids will like... rebel...?

DDONGSANGxP (2:05:24 PM): idk

NotToJoe115 (2:05:27 PM): yeah

NotToJoe115 (2:05:29 PM): i've seen that

NotToJoe115 (2:07:23 PM): so you don't really know what to do huh

DDONGSANGxP (2:07:34 PM): noooopeeeeeee

DDONGSANGxP (2:07:53 PM): i've kinda been like... avoiding the situation

DDONGSANGxP (2:08:12 PM): i feel so guilty in a way. 0_0

NotToJoe115 (2:08:20 PM): ic

NotToJoe115 (2:08:22 PM): what do you think you should do?

DDONGSANGxP (2:08:22 PM): when i met her she was like the shyest person you ever knew

DDONGSANGxP (2:08:34 PM): 0_0 i do not know

DDONGSANGxP (2:08:43 PM): she doesn't even know i know

DDONGSANGxP (2:08:46 PM): LOL.

DDONGSANGxP (2:09:06 PM): like we have another friend whom im closer with and she told me.

DDONGSANGxP (2:09:14 PM): the other girl,

DDONGSANGxP (2:09:32 PM): she hasn't told me i think because she knows i'll like chop her head off

DDONGSANGxP (2:09:35 PM): i HATE smoking

NotToJoe115 (2:09:56 PM): hehe

NotToJoe115 (2:09:57 PM): ic

DDONGSANGxP (2:10:07 PM): lol

DDONGSANGxP (2:10:21 PM): im suppose to pretend like i don't know... but how can you do that?

NotToJoe115 (2:11:09 PM): right

DDONGSANGxP (2:11:16 PM): 0______________________0

DDONGSANGxP (2:11:20 PM): and

DDONGSANGxP (2:11:28 PM): LOL. i just keep talking and talking and talking

DDONGSANGxP (2:11:31 PM): xD

NotToJoe115 (2:11:37 PM): i love it

DDONGSANGxP (2:11:40 PM): lolol

DDONGSANGxP (2:11:42 PM): but

DDONGSANGxP (2:11:46 PM): i had this weird dream

NotToJoe115 (2:12:06 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (2:12:16 PM): about fh and it's stupid but for some reason, it scares me... even though i have no idea what it means

DDONGSANGxP (2:12:26 PM): -_-;;

NotToJoe115 (2:12:55 PM): oh?

NotToJoe115 (2:12:57 PM): what was it about?

DDONGSANGxP (2:13:59 PM): like so we were in this building that was supposedly fh but it def. was not. and everyone was like in this line...? and ... i don't remember specifics... lol but the line was like all throughout the building and the people started moving

DDONGSANGxP (2:14:16 PM): and i was in the line as well... but i wasn't doing something right

DDONGSANGxP (2:14:23 PM): and they kept yelling at me or something

DDONGSANGxP (2:14:30 PM): i don't know if that's good or not

DDONGSANGxP (2:14:40 PM): reminds me of 'a wrinkle in time'

DDONGSANGxP (2:14:58 PM): LOL. 0__0 im the little boy with the retarded ball bouncing skills

NotToJoe115 (2:15:14 PM): haha

NotToJoe115 (2:15:16 PM): uh huh

DDONGSANGxP (2:15:21 PM): thats it

DDONGSANGxP (2:15:23 PM): LOL

DDONGSANGxP (2:15:50 PM): geh goom

DDONGSANGxP (2:15:55 PM): maybe

man oh man. this is so long. 0_0 i'll just stop here. (:

& have I ever told you how much I love joe? :D puahaha.