Andy's Journal.

I edited a LOT of it so it wouldn't sound as crappy and it's only a portion of it. I didn't want anything to be redundant and the more you read, the more retarded and depressing it gets -_-;;

sooo... here's 1/10000th of EVERYTHING. >_<

"010309 10:03 pm
...You know, I haven't really thought about this "absence" thing in a long time. I'm glad you reminded me. Isn't it scary? these days, I haven't been reading my bible and my prayers have become shorter and choppier. I know I'm selfish and all but I really hope you never get as far deep into this as I am. It's so frustrating. Like... You think the point you're at sucks? After a year and a half of this, nothing's new anymore. I would give anything to be where you are. Back then, I used to cry like crazy and such. Now? I don't seem to care anymore. It doesn't bother me. I've gotten used to it. I liked it so much better back then.

Let me explain. What if you just left. Blocked me from aim. Wasn't my fb friend. You didn't come to retreats. etcetcetc. Like there was no contact from you whatsoever. At first, I would like write you letters and call, asking what happened to you, right? But slowly, as time goes by, I would start to give up trying to contact you. You know? Thankfully, I'm not at the giving up point in my life and hopefully, I'll never will be. So where am I now? I'm getting to the point where I don't really care anymore. My letters and my phone calls to God are being more spaced out. Sometimes weeks and weeks pass between each call. Between each letter. And soon, I know that if I don't do anything, I know that months will start to replace the weeks. I don't want that to happen but then again, I didn't want anything to happen. I'm at the point where I see everything that's wrong and yet I pretend nothing's wrong. I continue to go on with my life. Even when I know that God's on the other end. Listening to the voice mails I left Him. Reading through all the letters that I wrote Him. Even though I'm well aware that He's there, I'm getting sick and tired of even trying because in the end, I know that what I do won't make a difference. He's not going to come back...

I pray that by the time you get this journal that you'd "get out of it." That everything would be back to the way it was for you except that your faith would come out stronger....I hope you never reach the point where you give up or even think about giving up. okay? Keep strong... okay. It's 10:55. Church tomorrow so I'll stop here. Goodnight, Pandy. (: "

the end. -_-;;